


Taking Care

by largoindminor



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Smut, warning for brief mention of blood/needles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 02:54:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2452091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/largoindminor/pseuds/largoindminor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean blames himself after Sam is hurt, Sam is delightfully oblivious, bad dreams happen, snuggling and smut ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taking Care

**Author's Note:**

> Hi loves! I don't have a beta, so all mistakes are of course mine, please feel free to point out spelling and grammar errors if you spot em. Just a silly little story, I hope you enjoy it!

The job was an easy one, or so they thought. Clear out a vampire nest about thirty miles outside of Spokane. Just a few of them, holed up in a disused office building off of Route 2. Some folks had been snatched from nearby towns, most turned up drained and dead after a few weeks, but two managed to get away. Adam and Sarah, juniors on break from Washington State, had been on their way home from a date when they were taken, and held for two weeks. The local media reported a recount of their story and a nearby retired hunter called on the Winchesters to investigate.

Sam and Dean were used to dead bodies turning up, but didn’t often hear from people who managed to escape a nest with their lives. It seemed like they were dealing with some particularly young and careless monsters, which honestly looked like a nice treat after the demons that nearly got the drop on them in Provo. Sam was still recovering when the call came, and Dean had done his best to keep the new job a secret from him, even went so far as trying to send him back to Kansas alone to recuperate while Dean “tied up a few loose ends”. Sam, though, always cleverer than Dean gave him credit for, saw through that line and refused. This led to a rather spectacular three hour argument, followed by an even more impressive seven hour sulk on the drive to their new destination. By the time Sam and Dean arrived at their motel near Davenport, they were more likely to fight each other than a nest of baby vampires.

It was morning when they checked in. They met with Adam and Sarah at the motel cafe. The kids were used for an occasional snack judging by the scars on their necks, but managed to get out before becoming the main course. _Unusual for vampires to show such restraint in feeding, especially ones careless enough to let these two escape_ , Dean thought absently. They provided Sam and Dean with the location of the building, as well as descriptions of the four vampires they’d seen there.

“They spent the daytime somewhere else.” Sarah said. “We only ever saw them there at night” Adam agreed, “but they were there every night, sometimes with new people, but always the same four… of _them_.”

Dean sighed. Great, wait until it’s dark to go after them, or find out where they sleep during the day. What kind of vampires nested in different places during the day anyway? He wanted to get this job over with, get back to the bunker and put some space between him and his brother. _Tonight then_ , he thought, _we’ll just go tonight_.

Sam thanked the couple for their time as they exited the cafe. “Tonight, Dean, really? Don’t you think it’s be easier to gank these vamps in the daylight?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “We don’t even know where they are during the day. Look, this sounds easy enough, we can handle them tonight, we’ve handled worse. Let’s just get this over with and get out of here.” Dean brushed past him and headed back towards the motel. Dean was tired from driving and irritable from everything else. It was still early enough to catch a nap before sundown, and he fully intended to do so. Sam frowned but followed behind Dean without another word.

It was about 9 pm when they headed out. It was late November and sun had set hours earlier. Luckily it had been unseasonably warm in this part of the country, so instead of dealing with snow, it was just a chilly, steady rain falling outside. Dean felt strange flutter in his stomach as he drove, almost nervous, although why or over what he had no idea. Just a vague feeling that something was wrong, but he chalked it up to residual paranoia from the mess in Provo, and did his best to ignore it. Sam must have noticed, he asked twice if everything was ok, but Dean wasn’t interested in talking about it. Or talking to Sam. “Fine.” he said both times.

The office building had boarded up windows and doors, it looked like it hadn’t been used in years. They parked up the road and circled the building on foot, looking for a way in. They found a back door, locked but not boarded, and picked their way inside. Dean tried to flick on the lights, but of course there wasn’t any power. He sighed and fished a small flashlight out of his jacket pocket. He shone the light in the general direction of Sam, the beam hit him right in the eyes.

“Jesus Dean,” he whispered, covering his eyes, “watch it will you?”

“Sor _ry_ , princess.” Dean mumbled. Then louder, “why don’t you go check out the rooms over there” he motioned right, “and I’ll check down the other way.”

Sam flicked on his own flashlight and headed off, his lips pressed tight in clear annoyance.

Dean headed to the left, walking down a long hallway with multiple doors on either side of him. All the doors were locked, most covered in a thick layer of dust. He made it to the end of the hall without seeing signs that anyone had been there, and decided to head over to Sam’s side of the building to see what was over there before they resorted to kicking down doors. Just as he reached the midway point near the back entrance, a deafening noise shook through the building, Dean found himself thrown back several feet onto his back. Before he could get up, he was attacked on either side by vamps. _Shit_. They were young, at least, which did make them a little easier to fight off. Dean kicked the one on top of him square in the chest and sent him flying several feet. He reached behind his back to retrieve his blade and hacked at the second one until he felt her head separate from her body, and stood to take out the second one.

There was a large pile of rubble separating Dean from the rest of the building. He looked over it down the hall. _Whatever we’re after knows we’re here, like they knew we were coming. And they just separated us. No._ Dean thought, _you separated us_. Dean heard a strangled scream from the other side of the pile and felt his heart seize in his chest. There were sounds of struggle, Sam fighting off at least one, maybe more. Sam cried out in pain and Dean frantically tried to clear the mound of concrete, drywall and plaster that separated them.

Once Dean made it to the other side, he passed 3 decapitated vamps, but no Sam. There was a large door towards the end of the hall smeared with blood, Dean approached the door and heard muffled sounds from inside. There was no telling what was going on in there. By his count, there were already five dead vamps, which is more than there was supposed to be already.

Dean braced himself to kick in the door, but then thought better and tried the handle. This was starting to feel like a trap, and if it was a trap, the door would be unlocked. And so it was.

Once inside the room, Dean saw four figures, two were bound and tied to chairs, he recognized them immediately. Adam and Sarah.  _So they’d not really escaped then. They were let go? Let go to lead us here. But why?_

Dean saw Sam standing in a defensive stance near the corner of the room, palms facing out toward an unknown attacker. Dean rushed to the far side of the room, and as Sam looked over at him, his attacker took advantage of Sam’s momentary distraction to lash out. Dean saw the flicker of a blade, and then red. Sam cried out in agony as the man slashed through his outstretched arm with incredible force. Dean grabbed the man’s arm just as he swung it back to attack again, and twisted it until he heard the bone break. Sam was clutching his injured arm but managed to kick the man’s feet out from under him. Sam collapsed after that, and Dean rushed to his side.

“Sammy? Stay with me now” he said, trying to apply pressure to the wound. Sam’s face was pale white, and he was shivering from shock. Dean heard the slam of a door behind him and turned- the man who had attacked them had fled. Dean could give chase or tend to Sam. No contest really. Save the chase for another day.

 

~

 

Dean took a minute to free Adam and Sarah, who were clearly terrified but not actually injured, thank god, and helped Sam to his feet.

 “Can you walk” he asked, and Sam nodded. The four of them headed out into the rain and walked the quarter mile or so to the Impala, Dean supporting his brother’s uneven steps. Dean thought Sam needed the hospital but Sam outright refused. They dropped Adam and Sarah off at her parents house and drove in silence back to the motel.

 The moment they were back inside the relative safety of the room, Sam crumpled onto the foot of the nearest bed. Fatigue, pain, and probably a bit of blood loss all working together to put him slightly off kilter. Dean pulled a chair up to face Sam and reached for his arm.

 “Lemme see.” Sam hesitated for a second, then offered his arm out to Dean, apparently too exhausted to argue for once. Dean held his hand gently and examined the arm. It had bled more than he’d thought. It was still bleeding. He carefully peeled the fabric back to reveal a five inch gash along the inside of Sam’s forearm. It was cleanly cut but deep. It appeared to have missed any major arteries, thank christ, but only _just_. The knot in Dean’s stomach that had been there since the explosion at the office building, No- since before the car ride, twisted at the sight, and he struggled to push the panic down and away.  Dean mentally berated himself. He knew something was off, it was suspicious that those two kids escaped. It was suspicious that the nest spent nights in one place and days in another. He should have sensed a trap, he should have waited for daylight, taken the time to properly investigate, but he’d been just so god damn anxious to get out of there and so god damn irritated with Sam. It was _his_ fault they rushed in without proper intel. It was _his_ fault they separated once they were inside. God, and it was _his_ fault Sam was here half passed out and bleeding all over.

 Dean reached behind him to pull a bottle of scotch and a small medical kit off the table. He handed the bottle to Sam, that was the only anesthetic they had. Sam took a swig from the bottle and settled deeper onto the bed, seemingly very content in that moment to let Dean take the lead. Dean went about cleaning and stitching the wound. In this, he was methodical, years of practice and he could do this by muscle memory alone. Irrigate. Sterilize. Sutures. Push the needle through. Pull the stitch taut. Up and over. Repeat. Breathe in. Breathe out. Stay calm. Calm calm calm. He concentrated on the word, on his own breath as it tickled the hairs on Sam’s arm, on the warmth of Sam, solid and real and alive under his hands.

 Dean finished the stitches and secured a bandage around Sam’s arm. He’d hoped doing this would assuage his guilt a little, but when he looked up at Sam and saw glassy eyed gratitude staring back at him, when Sam _thanked_ him, he felt like a fraud. Sam sat up a bit and handed Dean the whiskey and he took a quick drink, then two more, then another, longer drink, and placed the bottle back on the table. Sam was smirking at him a bit, and a thick clump of wet hair had fallen over one of his eyes when he shifted. _Stupid haircut_ Dean thought, as his hand instinctively rose to push the strands back behind Sam’s ear. His hand lingered there a bit, knuckles brushing softly at Sam’s temple. Sam sighed, and turned his head ever so slightly into Dean’s touch. Fear and injury and whiskey had left them both a little vulnerable, and for just this moment they forgot their earlier fight, they communicated through touch the things they so often forget to say. _I’m here. We’re safe._

A car alarm briefly sounded outside and broke the trance. Dean jumped a little and pulled back his hand.

 So what was that all about?” Sam spoke first. “That guy with the vamps, I’ve never seen him before. But he _knew_ me. He knew _us_. He lured us there, why?”

“Wish I knew, Sammy.” Dean dragged his hand across his face. “Let’s just get some grub and sleep on it.” We can head back to the bunker tomorrow, figure it all out there.”

Sam hopped up off the bed, a little unsteady but clearly getting his energy back now, and grabbed the motel key off the hook. “All night diner just up the road. I’ll get some grub.” and he headed towards the door.

“Careful” Dean shouted over his shoulder, as he began to clean up the mess and tuck the unused medical supplies back in the kit. He half wondered if he should even let Sam out on his own, but Sam was armed, and Dean really didn’t want to have _that_ argument again anyway. He realized he was covered in a thin film of dust from the explosion, and a not insignificant amount of blood, and headed to the bathroom to take a quick shower. 

Dean stood under the hot water for a long while. He felt a bit numb, still, and the heat was helping to bring him out of it. Dean couldn’t stop beating himself up over what had happened. He’d been so reckless. Stupid and reckless. He failed the very first objective: _Keep Sammy safe._ Dean always felt at fault when something bad happened to Sam, but this was different. This time he knew very well his mistake could have cost Sam his life.

Sam returned a while later with the food- a bacon cheeseburger for Dean and an Asian chicken salad for himself. Dean bit into the burger and made a fairly obscene noise in the process.

“Thought you’d like that.” Sam said. “I almost got you one of these,” he tapped the side of his salad container with his fork, “But I figured I owed you after, well, this” he held up his bandaged arm. Dean grimaced again. All the guilt in the world on his shoulders and Sam just had to keep _thanking_ him and making it _worse_. At least Sam seemed to have forgotten the earlier fight in his gratitude, thank god for small favors.

After they’d finished eating. Dean trashed the take out containers and Sam got up to take a shower himself.

“You leave me any hot water?” he yelled from the bathroom.

“If you’re lucky.” Dean joked back. “I’m going to sleep so, uh, try not to make too much noise.” Dean heard the shower come on as he undressed down to his T-shirt and shorts and climbed into bed. He was just about out when he heard the faintest “Night, Dean.” coming from the other bed. “Sammy” was all he said, as he drifted asleep.

 

~

 

Dean awoke to the sound of screaming, it took him a panicked moment to realize it was his own. He was sweating, his voice was hoarse and his knee throbbing, he appeared to be, _aw damnit_ , on the floor between the two beds. _Alright, so apparently I had a bad dream and fell on the floor. Awesome. Not embarrassing at all_. He managed to get himself untangled from the bedspread and realized the Sam was crouching on the floor beside him.

“Were you… are you…?” Sam stammered, still half asleep. “Dean? You ok? You were, uh, screaming a bit. And then you, well, fell.”

 _Thanks captain obviou_ s. “Yeah. Uh, yeah. M’fine. Hurt my knee a little”. _And my pride a lot_. Dean groaned as he tried to stand back up. Sam reached his arms around Dean’s waist and helped him back up to site on the side of the bed. Dean tried to calm himself, visions from the nightmare still appearing when he closed his eyes. “Thanks” he managed to croak out in Sam’s direction. Sam just nodded and turned towards his bed, but Dean’s hand flew out of its own accord and grasped Sam by his good wrist. “Could you just. Stay here. For a while?”

“Yeah.” Sam answered immediately. “Yeah, Dean.”

Dean scooted to the far side of the bed and stretched out, and Sam lay next to him. They both stared up at the ceiling, Dean tried to concentrate on Sam’s steady breathing, tried to sync his own jagged breaths up with it. Eventually he managed to calm down, breathing deeply and deliberately as his body slowly relaxed. After a while, he could feel Sam’s body shift as he slowly turned towards him.

“Dean?”

Dean’s hand, which again seemed to be functioning without his permission, slid across the inches between them to grasp Sam’s. He held onto it like an anchor, feeling Sam’s pulse steady in his wrist. Sam ducked his head down so that his nose was resting just on Dean’s shoulder, and inhaled deeply. “Dean” he exhaled. Finally Dean was able to fully relax, he felt his fear and stress seeping out of him at these two points of contact between them.

Dean slowly, so slowly, turned as well to face Sam. He carefully wrapped his free arm around Sam’s waist and rested it on his lower back, pulling Sam in close to him and resting his chin on Sam’s head. Sam automatically curled in on himself, slotting himself into his brother’s embrace like a child, as if he were the smaller one. No matter how big Sam got, it seemed, Dean was always larger than life to him.

Dean’s hand flattened across the small of Sam’s back and made a slow path upwards, running his palm along the soft bare flesh, to rest on the nape of Sam’s neck. His thumb rubbed small circles along the stubble at Sam’s jaw line. _Sam’s right here,_ he told himself, _and safe_. He could feel Sam’s pulse beneath his fingers, he counted it, he reveled in the rhythm of it.  

“Dean?” Sam repeated for the third time

Sam’s voice snapped Dean out of his reverie. “Oh shit Sammy, I, uh, sorry..” He pulled his hand away and tried to back away too, but Sam wouldn’t let him. Sam placed his large hand on Dean’s waist and held him in place.

“No, don’t. I mean, it’s ok. That was ok. Don’t stop.” and Sam moved closer to him their faces were mere centimeters apart, they looked right into each other’s eyes. Sam looked… afraid? Apprehensive? Turned on? _Oh fuck it._ For the first time in Dean Winchester’s life, he threw every last ounce of caution absolutely and completely to the wind, as he leaned in a placed his lips over Sam’s.

The first kiss was petal soft. Dean rubbed his lips lightly over Sam’s, both of them barely breathing, almost afraid to move. He ran his tongue over Sam’s bottom lip, then the crease and he nibbled gently on Sam’s top lip. God it felt amazing. Dean’s insides were virtually vibrated. Sam hadn’t pushed him away, that was a good sign. He could feel Sam’s breath, shaky and uncertain on his mouth, and he pulled back out of the kiss.

“Sammy,” his voice was rough, “You gotta tell me if this is ok. I need you to-”

“Yes.” Sam cut him off with a thin whisper. “Oh yes, yes. Please?”

Dean wasn’t sure exactly what Sam was asking for, but damn if he wouldn’t move heaven and hell to give it to him. He placed his free hand on Sam’s cheek and pulled his face in again. Sam whimpered as Dean urged his mouth open and slipped inside. He ran his tongue all around inside Sam’s mouth, along those perfect teeth, across the soft palate. Eventually Sam’s tongue pushed back and Dean sucked on it gently. Their hands roamed all over each other, exploring the different textures, squeezing _here_ and dragging nails across _there_. Dean trailed his fingers up and down Sam’s back, across his broad shoulders, up into his ridiculous, glorious har. Sam’s hand snaked between them and up under Dean’s T-shirt to run across his stomach and obliques. They clung to each other, pouring every unspoken wish and mad desire they’d ever felt into each other kiss by kiss.

 

~

 

After a while, they shifted a bit, Dean rolled Sam over onto his back and propped himself on his elbow, leaning into him. He smoothed his palm over Sam’s chest, lightly brushing over his nipples. Sam groaned and grabbed Dean’s arm, pulling him in closer, trying to get more contact. More Dean.

Dean broke the kiss and pulled back a little. “Sammy,” he said, and cleared his throat, “this is a whole new level of messed up, you know. Even for us, you know that right?” His hand traveled slowly down Sam’s body, he ran his fingers through the soft hairs peeking out of Sam’s low slung shorts, tucking one finger just inside the waistband. _There’s no going back from this_ he thought. “I want, no I _need_ you to be sure.”

Sam looked completely _wrecked._ His long hair was tangled and sticking in all directions, his lips were swollen and glistening, his cheeks shone with flush and sweat. _God damn_ , Dean thought, _nothing has ever been more beautiful_. Sam reached up and took Dean’s head in both of his hands and pulled his forehead to his lips, laying a sweet kiss there.

“I’m sure. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. This is what I want. You’re what I want. You… you always have been.”

Dean kissed him again, more forcefully this time. For the first time that night, Dean was acutely aware of his erection pressing through the soft fabric of his shorts and rubbing against Sam’s thigh. It felt strange and too hot and perfect. He kissed a sloppy trail down Sam’s neck, occasionally nibbling or sucking or blowing hot little breaths over Sam’s skin. His hands continued to roam over Sam’s chest, fingers lightly skimming over erect nipples, Dean reached a spot just over Sam’s collarbone with his teeth and bit down sharply. Sam cried out and bucked his thigh up again Dean.

“Liked that, did you.” Dean joked. In one swift movement, Sam hauled Dean on top of him, took two firm handfuls of Dean’s back side and _grinded_ into him. _Yeah, liked it._ Dean noted Sam’s erection pressing into his hip, just as impressive as his, maybe a little more so if he’s honest. That’s something Dean might take time to feel pissed about later, but he was too busy trying to get more of it at the moment. The ground into each other as Dean continued to kiss a bite across Sam’ neck and chest. Sam buried his hands in Dean’s hair, holding him close and whispering nonsense into the night: “yes” and “oh my god” and “Dean” and “please”. And as Dean rubbed against him Sam became more frenzied, bucking his hips, _whining_ almost, _begging_.

Dean slowed a bit. “Hang on.” he said, and sat back on his heals. Sam protested to the separation and tried to pull him back. “Hang on I said” Dean said, playfully but forcefully batting Sam’s hand away. “Slow. We got all night baby.”

Dean hooked his fingers back underneath the waistband of Sam’s shorts and tugged, then quirked one eyebrow up at Sam. Sam understood, he lifted his hips off the bed so Dean could pull the shorts down his long legs.  Sam’s cock sprung up and out then lay flat across his belly, hard and leaking. Dean tossed the shorts on the floor and drank in the sight before him.

“ _Jee_ sus” he said. “Just look at you. Just look at how beautiful you are.” Sam’s cock was large and thick, and yes, Dean was right earlier, damn impressive. “So fucking beautiful, Sammy.”

Sam was still breathing heavily but had calmed down considerably. “Dean” he pleaded, “please I. I need you, please.”

Dean decided he would die before he’d deny Sam anything he asked for in that voice. He quickly removed his own shorts and T-shirt, and lay down back on top of Sam. There was nothing between them now, no fabric, no pretense, just hot skin on skin. Dean was, well, frankly a little overwhelmed at it all, he felt hot tears form in the corner of his eyes. _Oh god, seriously?_ He blinked as he cradled Sam’s head in his hands and kissed him again, nuzzled his neck and brought his lips in close to Sam’s ear.  “I love you Sammy. God I love you so, so much.”

Sam couldn’t reply, he made a noise like a choked off sob and just clung tighter to Dean. Dean shifted slightly and lined the cocks up beneath him so they rubbed together with every thrust of his hips. The feeling was electric, jolting. Dean wanted more, though, and closer. He pulled his face from Sam’s neck and made his way down his body, kissing and licking and worshiping as he went. He tickled Sam’s navel with his nose, ran his tongue along Sam’s hip, nuzzled deep into the soft patch of curls as the base of Sam’s cock and breathed deep. Sam smelled intoxicating, like cheap soap and sweat and sex. Dean wrapped his hand round the base of Sam’s cock and took Sam in his mouth. Sam’s hands flew to Dean’s head as he let out an impressive string of expletives.

Dean held him there in his mouth for a moment, taking in the sensation. Sam tasted salty like sweat, and a little bitter. He was so warm, there, burning in a way that made Dean downright greedy for him. Dean suckled a little on the head of Sam’s cock while he pumped his hand up and down. Above him, Sam was making unintelligible but encouraging noises. Dean hadn’t done this before, but he’d seen it done plenty, and he knew what felt good. He figured he’d take it slow, see how much he could take. Gradually he sunk down further on Sam’s cock, taking about half of it comfortably in his mouth, then slid back up again, sucking lightly. He swirled his tongue around the head a few times then sunk back down again, going a little further. It was mesmerizing, the feel of Sam’s hard flesh in his mouth, the beautiful way Sam responded, even though he seemed incapable of putting actual words together. Dean had never been so turned on.

“Oh fuck, oh Christ wait,” Sam finally found his words, as he gently pushed Dean away. Dean looked up at Sam and cocked his head. “C’mere. Please. Need to kiss you.”

Dean obliged, climbing back up Sam’s torso and kissing him sloppy and wet. “Sammy.” was all Dean could say. “Oh Sam. Sammy” over and over again into his brother’s mouth. San reached his good arm between them to wrap around Dean’s cock, and Dean was done for, thoroughly overcome by the feel of Sam’s clumsy calloused hand around his cock. Dean could do nothing but react, pumping hard into Sam’s fist. Sam shifted a bit and slotted their cocks together, Sam’s still wet with Dean’s saliva, and tried to wrap his hand around both of them. Sam had freakishly big hands but they still weren’t big enough for this. Dean reached down between them as well and linked his fingers with Sam’s to complete the circle. They both thrust of together into their joined hands.

“Kiss me Dean.” Sam said again, his voice so small and breathy it damn near made Dean’s heart burst. Dean placed his lips over Sam’s, they were more breathing into each other than kissing at this point, all mental faculty governing such complex functions as kissing had pretty much gone off line. Sam’s eyes were squeezed shut, but Dean kept his open. He focused on Sam, taking in every facial expression, every bead of sweat on Sam’s beautiful face. It was almost too much, almost, but he wouldn’t look away.

“Dean, god, I’m close.”

Dean groaned. “Alright come on baby brother, it’s alright. Let go. Let me see. Come for me, baby please. Come on.”

And Sam dutifully obeyed. His eyes flew open as he groaned out his brother’s name and “love you” and “fuck” as he came in long spurts across their hands and stomach. Before he even finished shaking he captured Dean’s mouth, taking his bottom lip between his teeth and biting down.

And Dean just shattered. His heart, his body, his soul, all shattered into a million pieces as his orgasm tore through him. Sam kissed him through it all, fiercely, then tenderly, “I got you Dean.” he said, “I got you.” Dean collapsed on top of him, a sticky, sweaty, _wonderful_  mess squishing between them.

“That was…” Sam started to say.

“Amazing. Filthy. Perfect.” Dean finished for him.

“Hmph, yeah.” Sam said, smiling. “I was going to say, that was better than I ever imagined.” Sam wrapped his arms tight around Dean. “I wanted to, I wanted to do this. But I though if you knew, you’d run.”

“I wanted it too Sammy,” Dean admitted, “and I almost did run because of it. This, this ain’t gonna be easy.”

Sam chuckled, “Well since when has anything ever been easy for us? Not sure I’d know what to do with easy.”

Dean hummed and nuzzled into Sam’s neck.

“Dean,” Sam spoke again, “what was that about, earlier? The… nightmare? I’ve never seen that happen before.”

Dean took a deep breath and decided. No more secrets between them now. “It was you, Sammy, and me, back at that office building. But… I didn’t get to you in time. That goon, whoever the fuck he is, he cut your throat. And as you were-” he stopped and swallowed hard, cleared his throat before he went on, “as you died, you looked at me and I _knew_ that you knew it was my fault. That I got you killed, and ruined your whole life before that. And I knew I’d have to live with that for however long or short I had left, and that terrified me. Nothin’ scares me at all, Sammy, ‘cept lettin’ you down like that, losin’ you.”

“You’re fault, Dean?” Sam said, squeezing him tighter. “I didn’t. I _don’t_ blame you. Not for last night, not for anything, ever. We’ve had bad days, yeah, that’s only human. But you’ve taken care of me my whole life. You’re the only one who ever has. You've never let me down. I’d be lost without you. Christ, I have been lost without you. God, Dean, I love you so much. I just want to show you, I can take care of us, too. I want you to let me, Dean.” Sam placed a small kiss to the top of Dean’s head and relaxed his arms.

Dean felt tears sting the corners of his eyes again, this time, with his face hidden in the crook of Sam’s neck, he just let them fall. This same old argument, the one they’d had in Provo, and in so many towns before that. He didn’t know if he’d ever really be able to let it go. Taking care of Sammy was the first lesson he’d learned, it was more natural to him than breathing was. It was his _job_. But Sam said he loved him. Sam said he wanted to take care of Dean, too. And god, Dean wanted to give Sam everything. Even that.

“I want that too Sammy.”

They drifted off like that, Dean sprawled over Sam, his tears dripping into Sam’s hair, Sam’s arms wrapped around him like a promise.

 


End file.
